Publisher Notes on THE “Dracula” Manuscript
Even Bram Stoker got client feedback.
Hi Bram,
Thanks for submitting your manuscript to Thumbs-Up Publishing! I read through “Dracula” and had some thoughts on how to make it more thumb-stopping.
Page 1: Is the title final? “Dracula” isn’t a common name among our 18-to-25-year-old readership. Just a thought, but maybe we shorten it to something like “Drac” or “D” for maximum thumb stoppage.
Page 12: Can we change the setting from Transylvania? Our readers live in the Midwest. Any way Dracula could be from there?
Page 67: The whole blood-sucking thing seems really confusing. Realistically, drinking blood wouldn’t make Dracula immortal. Please revise.
Page 98: Dracula only targets female maidens but the team has concerns it might alienate our LGBTQ readers. Could we include some more diverse vampires? Would love to get your thoughts.
Page 100: This manuscript has a lot of words. Can we keep the dialog short and pithy? We get it, you own a dictionary. But sometimes it’s fine to say, “Sup, I’m Dracula.”
Page 120: Does Dracula have to transform into a bat? Bats don’t get many likes on Instagram. Maybe he could change into a small dog, like Doug the Pug?
Page 166: Does Dracula have any other powers? It’s weird that he sucks blood, but it’s not scary. I just don’t think neck-biting vampire says “horror-worthy” or “engaging bite-sized content.” Pardon the pun.
Page 212: Not sure I understand why Van Helsing is hunting Dracula. Get the whole Captain Ahab and Moby Dick dynamic, but that worked because Moby Dick is a whale. Please revise with a couple of options (maybe one with a whale).
Page 308: Could the ending be more open to interpretation? Would love to leave the door open for a series. Could be a simple solve like adding a single sentence at the end that says, “...or did he?”
Page 308: Overall, I love it, but felt like the story portrayed vampires in a negative light. Any way we can change this?
Let me know your thoughts. Really looking forward to seeing your second draft, Bram. I think we could stop a lot of fingers.
Best Ron Stoppable,
Senior Book Agent at Thumbs-Up Publishing
The Second Rule of Fight Club
Sometimes, the first draft of a script is better than the final. This is not one of those situations.
INT. TAVERN BASEMENT - NIGHT
A BOMB-SHELTER. Concrete walls. One BARE BULB above, Tyler
standing directly beneath it.
TYLER
Welcome to fight club.
The guys mill around, finding partners. Everyone brims with
eagerness, but tries to act cool. CHATTER gets LOUDER.
Everyone spreads out, forming a circle, Tyler at center.
JACK (V.O.)
Every week, Tyler gave the rules that
he and I decided.
PEAKING CHATTER, till Tyler raises his arms and the CHATTER
DIES. A couple of COUGHS, FEET SHUFFLING, then, SILENCE.
TYLER
The first rule of fight club is --
you don't talk about fight club. The
second rule of fight club is -- you
don't talk about fight club.
RANDOM FIGHT CLUB MEMBER (V.O.)
But you're talking about it right now.
TYLER
I meant outside of fight club.
RANDOM FIGHT CLUB MEMBER (V.O.)
You should've qualified it then.
You can understand the confusion.
TYLER
Hey I've got a new rule for fight club--
how about Rob shuts the fuck up.Genesis, The Lost ExceRptS
I found a copy of the Bible, before it was edited.
Genesis 6:13,
The Lost Excerpt.
And so it was that the world was filled with malevolence.
Every intention of man was tainted by wickedness, corrupt in God’s sight.
All except one, Noah, who had found favor in the Lord’s eyes.
And so God came to Noah,
who was outside on his household patio, enjoying the view.
Noah, God said.
Father, Noah replied to the heavens.
In a thunderous reverberating voice, God told him
I have determined to make an end of all flesh.
Man is filled with evil.
I will blot out all creatures which I have made from the face of land.
Noah was puzzled, was he not one of those creatures of which the Lord spoke?
You will be spared, God reassured him.
Noah breathed a sigh of relief.
—if you collect 2 of every living animal and build an ark atop Mount Moriah,
God said.
Noah was not as relieved as before.
Genesis 6:14,
The Lost Excerpt.
And so Noah came inside from his household patio,
unto his wife and sons, and wives of his sons.
Family, gather around, Noah said,
God came unto me.
Skepticism stretched across the living quarters.
God said he was determined to blot out all things.
But our household will be spared if I collect 2 of every animal and build an arc, Noah explained.
Could God not just make you an arc, Noah’s wife questioned.
No time to converse, I must make haste to Mount Moriah,
Noah said as he ran out of the living quarters.
Genesis 6:15,
The Lost Excerpt.
Some time passed.
God once again came to Noah’s household patio.
Noah, God said.
Father, Noah replied to the heavens.
I shall not bless your journey until I have tested your faith,
God said in a thunderous reverberating voice.
Noah looked more puzzled than before.
Take your son, Isaac, whom you love, and offer him as a sacrifice on the mountains, God commanded.
And so Noah came inside from his household patio.
Family, he said, God has asked something else of me.
God commanded Issac accompany me in building the arc tomorrow, Noah lied.
He didn’t have the heart to tell the boy his fate.
Genesis 6:16,
The Lost Excerpt.
Noah saddled his donkey in the early morning, and took his son Isaac.
They came to the place.
What the hell is that, Issac asked.
It’s the arc, Noah said.
It looks like af pile of shit, Issac replied.
Look over there, Noah said pointing to a nearby view.
As Issac lifted his eyes to look, Noah lifted a large rock over his head.
But Issac was alerted by Noah’s shadow.
What are you doing, Issac asked Noah.
Nothing, Noah sheepishly replied.
But Issac knew,
And he beat Noah mightily for it.
Genesis 6:17,
The Lost Excerpt.
Some time passed.
God came to the battered Noah’s household patio.
Noah, God said.
Noah beseeched the heavens
Oh Lord! Now what? My family wont talk to me.
The arc looks like gophers made it.
And I still need to go capture, not 1, but 2 lions.
So, what now?
Because you have not withheld your son, I will bless you on the seashore, God said.
Thank you oh wise and all-knowing ruler, surely Issac will be overjoyed by this news, Noah replied with great sarcasm.
Go into the ark, you and all your household, for I have seen that you are righteous before me in this generation, God commanded.
And so Noah came inside from his household patio.
Family, Noah yelled unto his living quarters, we must go to the arc.
And no, I’m not going to try to sacrifice anyone this time.
Genesis 6:18,
The Lost Excerpt.
Some time passed.
The waters prevailed so heavily that all the high mountains under the whole heaven were covered.
All flesh died that once moved.
Only Noah was left, and those who were with him in the ark.
Noah returned to the remains of his household patio.
And God came to him.
Noah, God said.
Oh fuck, it’s God, Noah whispered to his family,
Maybe he’ll depart if we remain silent.
You have been rewarded for your faith. Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth,
God said in a thunderous reverberating voice.
And so Noah repopulated the earth with his wives and son’s wives.
God had clearly not thought the whole plan through.
But everything was right now with the world, in God’s view.
’Tis all that matters.